Loss and Grief of our Canine Companions

by Heidi Atwood

Most of our blog posts consist of subjects aimed at helping improve the training and focus of young puppies, but I would like to share my experiences with the other side of dog companionship; the grief we feel when we lose them. 

You will never have another dog exactly like this one. Your dog loves you more than you can fathom. You can’t imagine getting another dog because it’s not going to be the same. 

These statements are true. The dogs we bond with in our lifetimes are all completely different from each other. If you have had more than one dog, your relationship with each one is unique. Our time with them, unfortunately, is limited.

The joy that your dog has given you, especially on a day when the rest of the world may have been hard to deal with, is immeasurable. Even though our pups may have frustrated us with accidents, destruction, or ignoring us when we needed them to focus, we are rewarded with warm comfort, fun play, and a wagging tail. Our dogs don’t ask for much in this world except food, shelter, and our love and attention.

I have helped many favorite canine companions leave this world over the years, and it was hard. Every. Single. Time. Most of my dogs have lived to be very old in dog terms, and this, to me, is a sign of success. If your dog has lived to a “ripe old age”, you have succeeded in giving them everything possible to maintain a long and healthy life. Sometimes, though, medical issues, accidents, and losses happen when we least expect them. 

As I write this, my faithful companion Liberty is over 14 and a half, and she is having a hard time navigating, walking, and even standing at times, because of neuropathy in her back legs. Her appetite is great, her attitude is happy, and although she needs some help on hardwood floors, she does quite well walking outside on the grass. I am more than willing to help her stand up at times, and we do daily walks outside to keep her legs as strong as possible. My vet assures me that she is not in pain, and they have come up with a supplement regimen to help with her movement and comfort. 

However, I do know that the dreaded day is coming when my dog will find it too difficult to continue, and I will do what I need to do to make sure she is escorted out of this world with me at her side, and my very caring vet assisting her through euthanization, to help ensure that the end of her life is pain-free. 

I have needed to make some changes to help Libby through this geriatric period. I have gone back to using a crate to keep her safe when I am not home and at night. She is allowed on the couch, but often needs help getting on and off, and I don’t want her to get hurt by attempting this while unsupervised. Since she grew up with a positive association to a crate, she has accepted her newly re-established crate time very well. She will automatically go in after her last potty break of the evening. Just like a young puppy, she requires more frequent potty breaks due to a weakened bladder, and the crate also helps prevent accidents by keeping her inactive. I also continue to offer occasional rewards because—why not? She deserves a small treat just for walking to the door. I still offer lick mats with a small amount of peanut butter at times, not to calm her down (trust me, she doesn’t need to be calmer!) but to get her interested in doing something rewarding that she loves, and to help keep her mentally active and fit.

A few months ago, we lost Libby’s half-brother, who had a kidney problem that he couldn’t recover from. He was “only” 12, but otherwise very healthy and energetic. We always thought that he would be the one left without Libby, but that was not to be. Instead, we have helped his sister through the loss of her companion. I personally feel that dogs feel the loss of another dog, especially one who has been their constant companion throughout the years. We have tried to keep Libby’s life as normal as possible after the loss of her brother, while also going through our own grief. We came home from the vet’s office without Bentley, absolutely devastated, and spent the rest of the day crying, hugging, watching uplifting movies, talking with our family members, and just trying to let the loss sink in. I paid special attention to Libby during this time, and offered even more hugs and belly rubs. 

I am tearing up as I write this, but my goal is to help you. Do what feels right when you are grieving the loss of your faithful companion. Look through the thousands of photos when the time is right, and this may not be for a few days, weeks, or even months. That’s ok. Honor them the way they honor us, with love that doesn’t die, and memories that help us heal. 

My husband and I haven’t been without a dog for many years, and we are not looking forward to a period of time without one. We know that we will have another puppy or possibly a rescued dog someday, but I am trying not to think about that, and instead I am going to cherish each day with my sweet Libby. We may not have them with us for as long as we’d like; in fact, I have NEVER had a dog with me for as long as I’d like!

If you are suffering the loss of your canine friend, my heart goes out to you, because I know that it’s always difficult. You may find that some humans don’t understand this kind of grief because they have never been through it. Don’t let that diminish your very real feelings of grief. Talk to trusted, understanding friends and family, and treat yourself extra special for a job well done. If you know someone going through this type of loss, try to be very understanding of the grief and emptiness they are feeling. 

It hurts so much because we love them so much.