For Parents - Puppies & Kids Comparison

by Bailey Coldwell

I have two young daughters. I started dog training long before I became a parent. As I was reading parenting books, listening to podcasts, talking to friends who became parents before me, I started to receive advice that I had already been giving for years….. To puppy parents! When I am navigating an issue with one of my children, I find it helpful to ask myself, “How would I handle this situation if this were a puppy?” I am hoping that you, as a parent to kids, will be able to read this and start thinking, “How would I have handled this with my young child?” As a disclaimer, there are many differences as well between parenting kids and parenting puppies. At the end of the day, a dog is a dog and a child is a child. We can not just place a child in a crate and leave the home. We can’t put the child outside and expect them to learn to potty out there on a leash. Behaviorally speaking, however, we can handle certain behaviors similarly. Throughout my 4 years of parenting, here are some of the similarities I have found between raising good babies and raising good puppies. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I promise you that if you can raise a human child, you can raise a puppy. 

There is a lot of change going on when bringing a new puppy or a baby home. This is true for the new addition and for the parent. When bringing a new baby home, it is recommended for the parents and baby to spend time resting at home, while close family and friends offer gentle support. This is similar to a new puppy. Even though the handler often has awesome goals with socialization, trying to keep public outings to a minimum until life at home feels more manageable and at peace is great.

Once a baby starts to become more mobile, parents have to baby-proof. Baby gates, outlet safety plugs, and playpens. It isn’t safe for the toddler or the house for them to have full access to everything. This is also true for new puppies; it just happens on the day that the puppy comes home. Management tactics need to be in place to keep the puppy and home safe. Starting small and then giving the puppy more freedom as they mature and show they are deserving of this. Similarly, parents start to teach easy rules and guidelines to their young kids. Phrases such as “gentle hands”, “not for mouth”, and “no thank you” help. Parents will then often display to their kids what they should do instead. They show how to pet the cat without smacking it. That they should color with the crayon, instead of trying to eat it. Parents redirect the child’s hands to a stuffy instead of trying to grab earrings or beards. Puppy handlers also use cues and training opportunities to show their puppies what to be doing in the home. They teach the puppy to “leave it” and reward it when the dog chooses to look up at the handler instead of trying to eat the sock. Handlers have the puppy “go to bed” instead of jumping on guests. The management becomes less as the dog and child start to mature, and the parents have taught them what to do instead. 

When it is getting towards the final wake window of the evening, parents know that bedtime goes more smoothly with calm, wind-down activities. Bath time, reading books, and singing lullabies are some examples of this. However, many new puppy handlers will try to sprint around the house, rough house, and do a lot of active training right before bed. The goal is to try to “tire the puppy out”. What ends up happening here, however, is a second surge of adrenaline. The energy levels rise, and the puppy usually ends up biting, barking, jumping, having more accidents in the home, etc. Parents tend to dread bedtime on the nights when Uncle Jacob comes over and runs up and down the hallway 12 times with their child at 7:30 PM. Or when there is a bounce house excursion, 20 minutes before the normal bedtime. Parents understand that this will be fun and EVENTUALLY the child will be tired enough to sleep, but it makes the bedtime process more hectic and leads to temper tantrums. During the final wake window of the day for the puppy, it is a great time to work on body handling, mental stimulation, or inactive training cues such as “go to bed” or “stay” practice, similar to calming activities with a child before bed. 

When I bring my 4-year-old child into a new environment, I have had a few things happen. Sometimes, everything goes really well, and there are no concerns. I have also experienced times where she is hiding behind my leg, whining, reverting back to baby talking, or otherwise showing she is uncomfortable. When she does this, I don’t force her to keep taking part in what she is currently doing. If someone wants a hug and she is not eager about this, I tell her that it is okay and she doesn’t need to hug the person. One time, she was nervous to go down a slide. I offered to go down it with her, which she was happy with, but I didn’t force this. There are times when she seems excited and like she is having fun, but then she will start to get overstimulated. She might start screaming, crying, or not responding well when I am trying to get her attention. When this happens, I create space with her to help her decompress. Sometimes, this means I have to take her hand and guide her away. I have sat on the floors of bathrooms with her for 20 minutes, I have stepped outside of a busy building, and I have brought her back to the car. I will admit that there are times when she is initially less than willing to take a break from the hectic environment. She will often freak out. But then something will switch. She will settle, look to me for a hug, and be willing to talk it through. Then, we can go back inside after some boundaries are in place. 

In dog training, we see this happen with socialization. A puppy is nervous, but the handler allows someone to pet the dog. A puppy is barking at another dog, and the handler allows the dogs to engage. Both of these reactions by handlers would make the situation worse next time. The fear will increase because the trust is less. The excitability and reactivity will increase because they worked last time. Now, I can write this and promise you that there have been times both in parenting and dog handling where I have accidentally added fear or increased the likelihood of reactivity. I am far from being a perfect parent or dog handler. But the biggest aspect is coming up with a game plan to help prevent it, interrupt it, and help encourage the correct behavior next time.  

Following up on the previous paragraph, how adults display themselves is important. This is often easier said than done, both with puppies and kids. A simple word I aspire to be is “carefree”. When I am in a situation where a puppy or my child is nervous, I try not to add to that stress. I don’t scoop them up and talk in a baby voice to them. I am not overbearingly protective. I, instead, acknowledge the nervousness they are feeling, “Oh, I can tell this is hard for you”, and then try to help them feel more comfortable, such as saying, “Do you want me to go down this slide with you?” If not, then I respect that, “Okay, let’s step over here instead”. Similarly, if my child or dog is overstimulated and it is causing undesirable behaviors, I try to connect with them. Can I get their attention? If I can’t and they are not redirecting to a better activity on their own, I help them step away. I try not to yell or “bark” back. I try to remain level-headed, as I know that freaking out at them in response to them freaking out is going to add fuel to the fire. 

Newborn babies sleep a lot. I know that when I was a new parent, I was constantly wondering if it was okay how much my baby was sleeping. Puppies are similar. A lot of unwanted behaviors tend to happen due to puppies being overtired. Many eight-week-old puppies excel when they have 18 to 20 hours of sleep in 24 hours. Many newborn babies excel when they have 14 to 17 hours of sleep in 24 hours. Finding the “sweet spot” regarding how much sleep puppies and kids should aim for is helpful. 

Puppies bite, jump, and start ripping up items around the home. Toddlers scream, hit, bite, and throw items. Sometimes, it is the best and safest option for the puppy to have a break in their crate, and it is the best and safest option for the toddler to have a break in their room. My child used to struggle when I instructed her to take a break in her room. A new puppy also does not love it when they are throwing a fit, and I place them in the crate. Do I throw my child into the room, slam the door, and freak out as well? Do I throw the puppy in the crate, slam the door, and yell at them? Hopefully not. I want these areas to be seen as places to calm themselves down and to decompress. Many puppy handlers don’t want the crate to be seen as a bad thing when contact needs to be stopped. As long as the handler or parent doesn’t make it a bad experience, it doesn’t have to be. In fact, my 4-year-old will now willingly go into her room, without me even suggesting it, when she is at the start of a meltdown. My 8-year-old dog will seclude herself in my bedroom if she is overwhelmed with too much going on in the home. We all need time to decompress from stress in an area that will keep everyone safe.

In most situations in life, it is easier to notice the negative than the positive. Noticing the good more will make parenting and puppy handling a much more pleasant experience. One day, I was doing my makeup while my oldest was playing on the floor with some toys. I didn’t say anything. The next time I looked over, my child was unraveling the toilet paper. I started to show my disapproval, and she smirked and started to unravel the toilet paper. She did not receive positive feedback for doing the behavior I wanted (playing with her toys). She received negative feedback for unraveling the toilet paper, which was better than nothing, so she kept doing this. To this day, I try to actively notice the good that my daughters are doing. If my daughter is reading a book by herself, taking care of her own trash, or being patient, I try to notice and acknowledge. A puppy with bark, paw, and bite at handlers who aren’t paying attention to them. They will chew items and chase cats if handlers aren’t paying attention. If handlers notice the cat walk by and reward the dog before they start to chase, the dog will look for a reward from the handler the next time. If the handler rewards the puppy for lying on their mat instead of barking or pawing for attention, the dog will be more likely to lie on the mat the following time. Notice the good in life. This goes far beyond just dog training and parenting, by the way! 

I am a work-from-home, stay-at-home mom. I am very thankful for this. Just like I am sure retired couples are happy to have some well-earned time to themselves. Many people work from home now, so they feel it is a great time to get a puppy. While this is great for dog training and raising babies, it is also important to help babies and puppies learn contentment safely away from us. Puppy parents and baby parents need to have time away from the new addition. I don’t want parents or handlers to feel guilty about hiring a babysitter or leaving the puppy in a crate. Even though it won’t feel like it at the moment, it is beneficial for the puppy and baby to be okay without the primary caregiver sometimes. 

When a human baby is feeling ill for the first time, it can be terrifying as a parent. I know that I would spend too much time trying to get help from Dr. Google (which we all know can just add to the anxiety). The same is true for puppyhood. If you are ever unsure if something is medically going on with your puppy, the veterinarian is the best person to check in with. 

With my daughter being 4, it is time for me to start providing her with the opportunities to discover what she does and doesn’t enjoy. She has shown interest in gymnastics, she loves to shoot a ball in a basketball hoop, and she is a lovely chicken caretaker. I plan on homeschooling her and am so excited to learn more about who she is and what she likes. Likewise, it is great to find activities, sports, or hobbies that the specific dog enjoys. Handlers should be mindful of what their dog was bred for, as that can be a good starting point for learning about what the dog loves. My dog is a Labrador retriever, for example, so her favorite activity is to swim. 

It is quickly learned that when raising kids or raising puppies, life isn’t always linear. This means that there will be good days and not-so-good days. Puppies go through adolescence, as teenage kids do as well. The handler and parent will also go through different phases of life (a new job, grief, moving, etc.), which will result in change and feelings as though they are falling behind. This is a normal part of life, and it will be sunny again sometime. When I was postpartum and anxious about whether I was doing an okay job, someone told me that my wondering if I was doing a good job meant that I was doing a good job. Well, if you reached the end of this blog post as a new puppy handler, I want to let you know it shows that you are trying your best and also doing a great job.