The Energy You Bring is the Lesson They Learn:A therapist’s perspective on bringing self-awareness and presence to the puppy training journey.

BAXTER & Bella
Apr 30
5 min read

Contributed by Jen Silacci, LCSW, a licensed therapist specializing in trauma and nervous system regulation — and a proud BAXTER & Bella student and puppy parent — this piece offers a compassionate, science-informed perspective on the powerful connection between our inner world and our puppy’s behavior.

When we welcome a new puppy into our homes, we often expect to be the teacher — guiding them through default sits and potty training with treats and cheerful praise. But here’s the quiet truth many of us discover along the way:

Sometimes, it’s not the puppy that needs training.

Sometimes... it’s us.

Puppies are incredibly sensitive beings. Long before they understand our words, they read our energy. They feel our frustration, joy, tension, and calm — and often mirror it right back to us. If we’re anxious, our pups may become unsettled. If we’re grounded and confident, they can soften into that energy.

This isn’t about blame — it’s about awareness. Puppies are energetic sponges, wired for connection and co-regulation. And that gives us a powerful, heart-centered invitation: to become more attuned to ourselves as we guide them.

What If the Issue Isn't the Puppy?

We often think the problem lies with our puppy — They’re too wild. They won’t listen. They’re driving me crazy.

But what if the real starting point… is us?

Your puppy isn’t trying to make things harder. They’re responding to your nervous system — your tone, tension, breath, and presence. They are, in many ways, a mirror. Dogs can even experience emotional contagion — mirroring your emotional state through what’s called affective empathy — a process explored in this recent review. That means the most powerful training tool you have isn’t always a treat pouch — it’s your own regulation.

Nervous System 101: Why Your Puppy Feels What You Feel

Recent research supports what many trainers and therapists have observed anecdotally for years: our dogs are deeply attuned to our internal states.

Your puppy isn’t just watching you — they’re feeling you. At the biological level, this happens through co-regulation — a process where two nervous systems synchronize.

When you're in sympathetic activation (fight or flight), your body may show stress: quickened speech, shallow breath, tense posture. A 2019 study published in Scientific Reports found that dogs’ long-term cortisol levels closely mirror those of their owners, suggesting that dogs may absorb human stress over time. Even if you're saying kind words, your puppy may respond with stress behaviors: jumping, barking, resisting, or freezing.

When you're grounded in the parasympathetic state (especially the ventral vagal branch that supports social connection), your calm presence allows your puppy to settle, learn, and connect. Dogs are not only responsive to visual and auditory emotional cues — they can also detect human stress through scent, as shown in a University of Bristol study, which found dogs reacting differently when exposed to sweat samples from stressed humans.

It can also be helpful to remember that trauma isn’t always about a dramatic event. It can be anything our nervous system experiences as "too much, too soon." This can include the overwhelm of bringing a puppy home without feeling emotionally or practically prepared.

Before You Train: Check In With Yourself

Before entering a training moment, pause and ask: What energy do I want to bring into this?

Setting an energetic tone helps your body language, voice, and breath align with your intention. Your puppy will pick up on that vibe before you say a word. Starting from a grounded place supports better connection and learning.

When It Feels Hard: Signs Your Nervous System Might Be Dysregulated

Sometimes, what looks like a puppy problem is actually a sign of human dysregulation.

Signs you might need a reset:

● Your voice is tight or rising

● You're holding your breath

● You feel overwhelmed or irritated

● You're stuck in a loop of "Why aren't they getting this?"

This isn’t failure. It’s feedback from your nervous system.

You may be experiencing:

● Fight (frustration, snapping)

● Flight (anxiety, urgency)

● Freeze (shutdown, disconnection)

Recognizing your state lets you shift before re-engaging.

Regulate, Then Reconnect

Try these supportive tools when you're feeling off. These small, simple actions can help bring your nervous system back to a place of safety and connection:

Box breathing: Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, and hold again for 4. This rhythmic breathing pattern helps slow the heart rate and shift the nervous system out of fight-or-flight.
Cold splash or object: Splash cool water on your face or hold something cold (like an ice pack or a chilled beverage). This stimulates the vagus nerve and can help your body shift toward a calmer state.
Shake or stretch: Let your body move — shake out your hands, bounce on your toes, or stretch gently. Movement helps release pent-up stress hormones and restore a sense of flow.
Grounding through senses: Bring yourself into the present moment using the 5-4-3-2-1 technique — name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This sensory check-in helps interrupt spirals of stress or overwhelm.
Compassionate self-talk: Speak kindly to yourself as you would a friend. Try saying, “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m doing my best. I can reset and try again.” These words calm the inner critic and re-engage your sense of agency.
Pause the session: If things aren’t going well, step away. Offer your puppy a safe chew or interactive toy and take five minutes for yourself. A short break can reset the energy and create space for clarity.

Training can wait. Regulation comes first — for both you and your puppy.

Prepare, Don’t Panic: How BAXTER & Bella Can Help

Before we go further, let’s gently acknowledge something important: sometimes it’s not you. You can be the most grounded, regulated and compassionate human — and still face challenges. Your puppy might be dealing with a fear phase, medical issues, neurological conditions or other unique needs.

If you ever feel unsure or overwhelmed, you don’t have to figure it out alone. BAXTER & Bella members can reach out to a certified trainer for support, insight, and a listening ear. Whether you need help troubleshooting behavior, checking in about your approach, or exploring next steps, the team is here for you.

Feeling unprepared is one of the most common causes of overwhelm and frustration. That’s why Baxter & Bella’s Online Puppy School offers affordable, accessible resources to help you get ready before your puppy even arrives.

With courses like Preparing for My Puppy, you can walk into this new chapter with realistic expectations, emotional readiness, and actionable tools.

Their gentle, clear guidance supports both learning and connection — helping you stay grounded as you build a loving, respectful relationship with your dog.

You and Your Puppy: Growing in Partnership

Training isn’t just about obedience — it’s about relationship. And sometimes, the most powerful shift in our dog’s behavior begins not with a new command, but with a deep breath… from us.

You’re not just their trainer.You’re their co-regulator. Their mirror. Their guide.

You’ve got this.And your puppy? They already think you’re doing great.